Insanity and Co
by shewhowearsglasses
Summary: Harley was trickier to get rid of than Pamela had ever expected.


******A series of AU! Fics each **centered around a different Batman character in the same alternate universe.

**First up: Pamela Lillith Isley and ****Harleen Frances Quinzel**

******I honestly love these too, Red especially. They're just so.. I dunno. There's something about them that keeps me coming back.**

* * *

Their first meeting was a coincidence, nothing more than a twist of fate.

Her bright red hair was cropped to her shoulders, and her eyes were as green as the textbook in her hands. She faltered in her run to class as a girl with twin pigtails stepped into her path.

She paused when the girl beamed at her, but continued past with little more than a shrug.

The girl waved at her retreating back, yelling "Bye-bye, now!" Still smiling, the blond girl let out a hum and skipped off. Pamela narrowed her eyes, distrustful of the overly happy student. Signing tiredly, she rolled her eyes and began running toward her original destination.

Their second meeting could called anything but.

"Hi! I'm Harleen! But, you can call me Harley!" Pamela looked up briefly from her laptop to give the blond an apathetic glare. "What's your name, Red?" The girl continued, crossing her legs with a grin as she sat across from the botanist-to-be.

"Uninterested." She retaliated in a bored tone, fingers only pausing briefly in their typing.

"Fine, I'll just call you Red then, eh? You like that, Red?" Harley swung her legs around in a childish manner, smiling openly as she twirled her pigtails.

Pamela looked up briefly, giving the girl across from her a hard look. She was tall and lanky, but had curves in the right places. Her eyes were a vivid blue to match her own green-pair. Her hair was, once again, up in a pair of pigtails, and the kind of blond that made you question her admission into such a prestigious college. She had a grin to rival that of their local crazed Engineering professor. Pamela let out a shudder, reveling in the fact that she was a Botany major, and had no need to take Engineering courses.

"Whatever," she breathed out, a scowl taking its place on her red lips.

Harley grew bored of her uncaring persona and stood, leaning forward with her hands on her hips, "listen, you! I'm trying to be your friend and you're giving me nothin'! What _is_ that?"

The other girl let out a huff of annoyance, "I don't _care_, Harleen. That's why I am not participating in your one-way conversation." At the small frown on Harley's previously grinning face, Pamela blew a lock of hair from her face and moved her computer off to the side. "Listen, I'm not here to make friends, so get that silly fantasy out of your head. I have work to do! I'm sorry it bothers you so much, but move on. Make other friends!"

Harley rolled the idea around in her head for a moment, biting her lip in thought. "Nope!" Her shrill voice called as she skipped from the room. "I'll see you tomorrow, Red! Ya hear?"

Pamela watched her go with a slight tilt at the corner of her lips. A friend wouldn't be such a problem, would it? She wondered before abruptly stomping out all thoughts regarding the blond ball of enthusiasm. She brushed her short red hair off to the side, before deciding that yes. Yes it would.

Their third meeting was Harley's personal favorite.

Pamela paused on the steps of her lecture building, regarding the stone letters with cold fascination. This was always the most boring part of her week: lectures. She sighed, glaring at the letters once more before moving to open the door to her lecture hall.

"Pammie!" Came a hollering voice behind her. Pamela scrunched her eyes shut and grinded her molars together, not her. _Anyone_ but her! "Hey, Red! I just barely caught up, now didn't I?" Harley laughed prettily, wrapping her arm around the annoyed woman's shoulders, "oh! By the way, I figured you out! Pamela Lillith Isley. Botanist major, five foot two. Now, we can be best friends for life, huh?"

"What are _you_ doing here?" Pamela bit out between clenched teeth. She barely kept herself from ripping the taller woman's arm from her shoulders.

"You are entering the English Lecture Hall, aren't you, Red?" Pamela nodded with closed eyes, balling her fists up as she gave Harley a tight-lipped smile. "Well, it just so happens we have the same lecture today! Ain't that grand, Pammie?"

Pamela hissed in defeat, allowing the grinning woman to follow her into the classroom. "Fine." She whispered, scowling like Harley had just killed her favorite cat. "But, you cannot sit near me!"

"Oh ho ho!" Harley laughed, waggling her finger at the voluptuous woman in front of her, "I think I'll do just that, actually!"

Pamela closed her eyes and pretended the blond wasn't talking her ear off from one seat over. She let out a puff of air, and realized Professor Pennyworth had begun speaking. She shushed Harley with a flick of her finger against the blondes head. "Ouch!" Harley hissed in a playful tone, "be careful, Red!" She whispered quickly when their Professor had moved from their section of the room, "It's starting to look like you actually care!" On that note, Harley propped her feet up on the chair in front of her. When the boy sitting there gave her a dark look, she snarled back and gave him a rude hand gesture.

He gave one final glare before turning back to the lecture. Pamela let out a quit chuckle, covering her hand with her mouth to hide the slip of her emotions. Harley grinned widely, snatching the hand from her lips and letting out a giggle of delight.

Pamela couldn't help it, her simple chuckle turned into a roaring bout of stomach-aching laughter. Harley joined her, giggling maniacally as their fellow classmates watched in horror. The Professor paused the lesson to stare at the crazed girls, "ladies?" He asked in a quizzical tone.

Harley pushed Pamela's shoulder and the pair, still laughing, grabbed their bags and stumbled from the room. Once out of sight, Pamela released a snicker of joy before dissolving, once more, into laughter that edged on painful. "I... can't... breathe!" She wheezed as Harley collapsed on the staircase.

"You'll get used to it!" Harley sang in a shrill tone. "Jeez, Red, you can sure laugh!"

Pamela paused for a moment, her giggles fading into an affectionate smile. She gave a hum of acknowledgement and unceremoniously plopped herself next to the blond. "Yeah, it seems so."

"So, you finally gunna give in, Red?" Harley asked through squinting blue eyes, she inclined her neck and flexed her fingers behind her, "We friends now, Pammie?"

Pamela puffed out her cheeks in a moment of indecision before nodding quietly. Harley let out a screech and launched herself onto the short redhead. "You won't regret this, Red! We're gunna be friends for life!" Harley hugged the girl tight, her breasts shoved awkwardly against Pamela's arm.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Harley."

After that, their "meetings" could no longer be considered just that. They saw each other on a regular basis. A year later, they even moved in together, much to their respective roommate's joy.

"-and then Mr. J gave the class an ultimatum that sounded like he was talking about me! I mean, he practically looked directly into my soul!" Harley giggled girlishly, as she relayed the tale to her best friend.

"Uh-huh." Pamela acknowledged, continuing to type fervently on her black laptop.

Harley sat up, giving the redhead a fierce glare; she gripped a small pillow in her hand and threw it into her friend's face. "Hey!" The girl protested, throwing the pillow back weakly, "What was that for!"

"You're not listening, Red!" Harley defended, shifting to her knees to glare more defiantly at Pamela. "And here I am telling you this tale of Mad Love about my secret affair with the Engineering Professor and you don't even _care_!"

Pamela let out a long-suffering sigh, and pushed the laptop away, presenting her full attention to the other girl, "fine, fine! I'm sorry, Harley. What were you saying?"

Harley grinned widely, jumping onto Pamela from a crouched position. "Nothing, Pammie, darling! Just how obsessed you are with those green vines and things!" Pamela laughed, tangling her legs around the other girl, and moving to dominate the tackle.

She sat atop Harley with a grin. "What was that, you little clown?"

Harley let out a bark of laughter and squirmed under the woman, "how about you, Red? What's happening with your Mr. Right?"

Pamela grimaced and moved off of the other girl, "that's not a topic worth discussing."

Harley moaned in disapproval, moving onto her hands and knees and bouncing on the bed, "come on, Red!" She whined. "Why don't you just try out that delightfully smooth guy up campus? What was his name? Hmm.. Bryan?"

Her friend rolled her eyes, "Bruce, Harley. His name is Bruce."

"See! You even know his name! You're obviously meant to be!"

"Calm down. He's not my type. He's too arrogant, and he doesn't even care about plants! It's as if he-" She cut off when Harley grinned beamed at her, "what?"

"You _like_ him!" Harley chorused, drawing out the "I" in a singsong voice.

"I do not!" Pamela challenged, a pink flush dusting her pale cheeks. "I do not like Bruce Wayne!"

"Whatever!" Harley intoned with a flick of the wrist. She gave her nails an impassive look, smirking at the stink Pamela was making over this one boy. "I don't honestly care who you sleep with! So long as you get someone to dust at those cobwebs between your legs!"

Pamela scowled, picking up her laptop and ignoring the laughing woman, "you're _insane_, Harley! You hear me?"

"So I've been told," Harley tittered behind her back.

Pamela smiled affectionately, nodding simply as Harley continued to chatter behind her.


End file.
